Max's Touhou Shorts
by MaxKnight1010101
Summary: A repository for shorts written for Maidens of the Kaleidoscope's Weekly Writing Challenge; latest entry: Aki Sisters: PIs
1. A Touhou Valentine's Day Project

**Author's Notes**: I got it in my head that I wanted to do something for Valentine's Day, and spent a few hours writing this yesterday; a challenge for precisely this story idea was posted over at shrinemaiden, so I figured on entering it, and I also figure there's no good reason why I shouldn't go ahead and post it here. I know it's a day late, now, but better to be a day late than to never be posted at all. I hope everyone who stumbles onto it enjoys it!

**Disclaimer**: Touhou Project is owned by Team Shanghai Alice, the sole member of which is ZUN. I only own the concept, story, and words.

* * *

Gensokyo, the land where the extraordinary is merely ordinary; magic is everywhere, creatures thought to only be myths and legends abound, even the occasional UFO is sighted. Things that have phased into the forgotten have popped up throughout the land, but on occasion something filters through which is definite fact; people and objects, places and ideas… One such idea was now being presented to a certain "Ordinary Witch" this very morning in mid-late winter.

At the moment, Marisa Kirisame looked a little confused. "You wanna run that one by me again?"

Her conversation partner, Reimu Hakurei, sighed. "It's a holiday in the outside world; people use it as an excuse to do something romantic for the one they love."

Marisa continued to stare at the Shrine Maiden. "And you're saying that day is today?" She nodded in response. "That's all well and good, but why are you telling me?"

Reimu smiled. "So you're telling me there's no one like that for you?"

Marisa's eyes bulged at the accusation; she held her broom out in front of her in self defense. "Wh-what makes you think that?"

Reimu began chuckling at this. "Oh stop acting out of character, Marisa. Just look at the clothes you're wearing; still in the blue witch costume wearing that shawl that she made for you. Admit it, you love her."

Marisa opened and closed her mouth a few times without making a sound; a few moments later she dropped her arms and drooped her shoulders a little in defeat. She walked forward and sat next to her friend. "So what are you saying; that I should go do or get something for her? I wouldn't even know where to begin…" She sighed and slumped forward a little. "Where did you hear about this holiday, anyways?"

"Yukari." Marisa planted her palm to her forehead; she sounded like she was muttering something along the lines of 'of course.' Reimu reached behind her and produced what looked like a box in the shape of a deep red heart. "Where do you think I got this from?" She opened it and proceeded to pick a piece of dark chocolate out, popping it in her mouth. Several long moments later she said, "She definitely knows the way to my heart; if only she was doing it for reasons other than to get me to do stuff."

Marisa stared at the package. "Boxed chocolate, huh? Does she even like chocolate? Where would I find something like that?"

Reimu shook her head. "It's not necessarily the type of gift, nor is it how expensive it is; the key, Marisa, is that it comes from the heart."

Marisa looked up into the Shrine Maiden's eyes and nodded very slowly. She jumped up and hopped onto her broom, saying, "All right, I'm going to go look into this; thanks ze!"

As she sped off, Reimu turned towards the open door of the shrine and said, "She's gone; shall we prepare?"

A voice from the inside said, "Are you sure you're okay with using your shrine for this?"

Smiling as she stood, she said, "I'm fine with it so long as you don't make a mess."

* * *

Despite the fact that Marisa seemed to know precisely what she wanted to do when she left, Marisa in fact had no clue on what her plan was; this was why her first stop was the Scarlet Devil Mansion, not to raid it for once, but for advice and information.

The usual method was to blast the gate guard from a distance, bust through the part of the mansion where the magical stress allowing it to be bigger on the inside was the highest, stash some books, and get out before they knew what hit them; this time, more tact might just be the way to go. As such, Marisa walked up to the gate and greeted Hong Meiling.

"Hiya, Dragon." Marisa had more respect for the girl, at least in hand-to-hand combat; that incident involving the weird weather and something called a 'robot' taught her that Meiling can hit like a truck, thus earning her the title bestowed upon her by the Chinese character on her hat.

The guard was on alert from the moment that she first saw the witch approaching; she was a little confused by the approach, but figured that this was meant to be some kind of trick… this could be a diversion to allow someone else to slip by, perhaps that puppeteer friend of hers. She held her pose right up until Marisa walked up to her and… bowed. Startled, Meiling bowed back and said, "What are you doing here, thief?"

Marisa held her hands in front of her in surrender. "I'm just here to talk to Patchy; think you can let me in?"

Meiling looked a little indecisive for a moment just as Saukya Izayoi phased in beside her, slightly startling the Chinese girl. "I will escort you to the library." Sakuya turned to the guard and added, "Come along, Hong, we may need your power should she try something once she in there."

Nodding, Meiling nudged Marisa forward towards the open gate, and the three filed into the house.

* * *

"St. Valentine's Day?" Patchouli looked a little troubled at hearing the witch mention it. "Where did you hear about that?"

Marisa placed her hand behind her head. "From Reimu, who heard about it from Yukari."

Patchouli returned to her book she had been previously reading; Meiling and Sakuya hovered nearby, watching their charge. Also nearby was Koakuma, a bound demon serving as Patchouli's librarian assistant. Without looking up from her book, Patchouli said, "And why is it you needed to ask me about it?"

Marisa recalled some of what Reimu had told her earlier and decided it was best to just come out with it. "You're the smartest person I know, Patchy, and I figured that if anyone could tell me what I should do, it would be you."

The librarian raised an eyebrow at this, but still did not look up. "Ah, this is about her." Marisa made a face at this statement, but said nothing. "Well, I have had the chance to speak with her on occasion; she was able to help with some of my more elaborate spellwork with her experience, and in return I allowed her access to parts of my library. She's studious, but too narrow in her focus; I would say she would be insulted by a gift involving her craft, at least at this juncture of your relationship." While invaluable advice, Marisa was starting to regret asking this person.

"Why not take her someplace exotic that she's never seen before?" Everyone was startled by the sudden voice that cut in to the conversation; they looked up to see a childlike girl with colorful, prismatic wings. "That is, if you know someplace like that?"

Before anyone else could say or do anything, Koakuma walked up to her and said, "Flandre, what are you doing up and about? It's well past when you should normally be asleep."

Flandre smiled up at the succubus. "I heard that Marisa was here, but hadn't heard any explosions; I wanted see what was up." She turned to face the witch. "Well? How about it?"

Shaking the surprise out of her head, Marisa said, "I, um… don't get out that often unless it's to solve something; I don't know anyplace like that…" Flandre began to look a little disappointed at that; Marisa reacted quickly by saying, "It was good advice, ze! I wouldn't have thought of that, for sure." She turned back to the librarian, who didn't seem to be paying attention. "Well, thanks for your help; I guess I'll keep looking around, then."

Marisa started walking towards the door when she heard Koakuma say, "Come on, Flandre, it's time for bed…" She looked back at them walking off, then looked at the others, then back at them… Something about the scene seemed… wrong. Wasn't it normally Sakuya that was needed to get her back into her room?

Shrugging, Marisa turned back and found herself once again being escorted by the maid and the guard. Once they reached the gate again, the witch turned back and said, "See? This wasn't so bad; it's not always a fight every time I come over."

Meiling frowned and said, "Too bad, too; I could have used the excitement." Marisa gave her a funny look. "I have the night off, tonight." She explained.

Sakuya shot her coworker a look and said, "As do I…"

Marisa failed to notice anything strange about this and asked, "Wow, really? That's weird… I wonder what's going on?"

Sakuya suddenly had a look of comprehension. "Ah, that must be it; Patchouli has something special planned for the mistress when she wakes up tonight. I do not believe they will want to be disturbed."

Marisa's raised eyebrow got no answer, so she climbed onto her broom and turned back, waving and saying, "Whatever; I've got some more places to go, so you two have fun tonight!"

* * *

The witch had roamed Gensokyo, attempting to find any leads on what she should do for this day, or what she should get her, but mostly all she got was nothing. Nobody in the Human Village had any clues, Eirin was convinced Marisa wanted an aphrodisiac, and Mokou suggested (rather strangely, for that matter) that you always hurt the ones you love. By the time the sun was beginning to set, Marisa was beginning to think her quest was impossible; she was flying high over Gensokyo when suddenly a bouquet of wildflowers dropped directly into her field of vision.

She came to a sudden stop and flailed her arms out to catch them, then turned her head from side to side to try and see where they came from. Marisa typically sat close to the front of her broom in order to have more control when moving at high speeds, so when she leaned back a little she was startled to find someone apparently sitting right behind her with their back facing her. Tensing slightly, Marisa said, "Who are you?"

A voice giggled. "You know, you have the most fascinating subconscious… You should let me hypnotize you at some point; it might be enlightening!"

Marisa recognized that voice… "Why are you on my broom, Koishi?"

Marisa felt her shrug. "I've heard you've been looking for advice, and I've just been looking for someone to give advice to."

At this point Marisa was getting tired of asking so many questions, considering she had done so all that day; unfortunately, this one nagged at her, "What's with the flowers?"

Koishi smiled, despite the witch not being able to see it. "Those are her favorite; they are rare both to Gensokyo and in this time of year; her subconscious is fascinating, too, but she seems to know more about it than most people do…"

Marisa didn't hear anything beyond the words 'her favorite.' She found herself staring at the bouquet and only barely registered that she wasn't alone on the broom; she said, "Thank you Koi-" she turned herself around to look back but found nothing but empty broom. "shi." Shaking her head, she gripped the broom handle with one hand and held tight to the flowers with the other before pointing herself towards the forest and speeding off.

* * *

While light was still visible, below the tree line it was quite dark; a thin layer of snow was on the ground, undisturbed by any kind of movement. Marisa was nearly ready to bust the door down of the house she arrived at when she saw the note.

Ripping it off, she read it out loud; "Gone to the shrine. Don't wait up. ~Alice" She made a face after reading it. "Why'd she put a heart next to her name?" Marisa simply chose not to try to comprehend this and hopped back onto the broom; her target had moved and by all the gods of Gensokyo she was going to catch her!

The sun had set completely by the time she finally arrived back to the shrine. It appeared to be completely dark, without any sign of life, not even Suika could be found. Marisa prowled around for a moment before coming to a stop in front of the entrance. It wasn't late enough for Reimu to have gone to bed, so why wasn't there more light and sound? She pondered this for a moment before a voice thoroughly startled her. "Marisa?"

After she calmed down, she turned herself around and had to take in a very deep breath; before her was the object of her desire: dressed rather unusually in a pale pink dress with shoulders bare of any kind of wrap or sheath, the red hairband still a fixture on her person.

Marisa was so spellbound by the vision of Alice Margatroid that she failed to notice the girl walking up to her and taking the bouquet from her hand. "These flowers… I love these! Where did you find them?"

This brought Marisa out of her reverie. "Er, um… I have my ways." She turned to look around and around at their surroundings. "What are you doing here? This place looks deserted…"

Alice smiled. "Reimu left to go to the mountain; she said something about surprising Sanae… or was it getting kidnapped by Yukari? I can't remember."

Marisa looked at the puppeteer in confusion. "Wait, does that mean that-"

"We're alone here?" Alice interrupted. "Come with me." She walked into the shrine proper; Marisa could see a very dim light coming through the door. She walked carefully into the building and was astounded at what she saw; a table had been set with a few candles lit. Two places were set on either side of the table.

Marisa goggled at what she saw; she said, "What's going on h- !"

Before Marisa could continue that thought she found a pair of hands on her cheeks and her mouth otherwise occupied by her companion. Surprise gave way to mindless pleasure as she melted into the kiss.

A few moments later, the liplock ended and Marisa found herself staring into those crystal blue eyes. When Alice spoke, she jumped slightly. "Happy Valentine's Day, my love."

Blushing slightly at being addressed as such, Marisa grinned back and replied, "Right back atcha, ze."


	2. Aki Sisters: PIs

**Author's Notes**: Another one for the Weekly Writer's Challenge; this story's subject was Touhou Noir... I don't think I quite got it right, but it was a best effort for about three hours of writing. I got the final ideas last night while trying to get back to sleep after getting paged for something from last week, and got a little bored at work so I begun writing it. I'll be turning the story from Valentine's Day into one for any of my Touhou shorts that I write for the Challenge.

**Disclaimer**: Touhou Project is owned by Team Shanghai Alice, whose sole member is ZUN. I only own the words, story, and concept.

* * *

The mansion was quiet that night; the owners were not known to be night birds, but the staff was on alert, regardless. The peaceful night was interrupted by the sound of breaking glass; the servants rushed to the scene but all they could perceive was the wind and some clicking sounds.

It was less what they saw after the fact than what they didn't see…

* * *

The building wasn't exactly in the best of shape, but you make do with what you could get; the sign on the door said Aki Sisters: Private Investigators. Inside, a dart was thrown at a corkboard on the wall, the target: one of any of the pictures of Gensokyo's most wanted.

The thrower was Minoriko Aki, the younger sister; she missed her target, a photo of the most notorious criminal "The Witch" Kirisame. She said, "Remember when we used to be goddesses? Whatever happened to those times?"

The older sister, Shizuha Aki, sat at her desk with her feet up and her hat over her eyes. "People lost faith; this city may believe in magic, but the gods are a different story. We do what we have to do."

Minoriko threw another dart, hitting the photo of "The Mad Inventor" Kawashiro between the eyes. "Haven't had a case in weeks, though."

Her grumbling seemed to be the answer, as the phone rang in the next instant; while the younger Aki tried to make a grab for it, she tripped on the way, giving the older Aki time to pick it up. "Aki Sisters, this is Shizuha… Yes… Yes ma'am, we're on our way."

She hung up the phone; Minoriko picked herself up and asked, "Who was that?"

Shizuha ignored her and said, "Get ready sis; we've got a case."

Her sister was already out the door; Minoriko rushed after her and shouted, "Where're we headed?"

Without turning around she said, "Eientei."

* * *

On the south side of town is a vast estate owned by a local celebrity; some claim she's the princess of a foreign land, others that she has certain less than legal connections. Either way, this was the location of the latest crime in Gensokyo.

The sisters had just arrived at the gate and were awaiting entrance. Minoriko said, "I wonder what happened here?"

Shizuha indicated past the gate towards a figure walking towards them. "We're about to find out."

The figure turned out to be a girl, tallish, with rabbit ears; she looked a little nervous. "Are you the investigators?"

Shizuha nodded. "We're the Aki Sisters; are you the owner-"

She threw her hands forward and quickly said, "No no! I'm just staff here; let me take you to my owner- I mean, mistress!" She started walking back towards the mansion. The sisters looked at each other for a moment before following her in.

The mansion itself was only a moderate size compared to the rest of the estate. It was a traditional Japanese house, looking many centuries old. After wandering down a few corridors they were brought to an office looking place where a large chair stood with its back towards the desk. The chair spun in place to reveal a young looking girl. She gestured towards the two chairs opposite her and said, "Please have a seat."

The sisters obliged and the girl stood up and began talking. "Last night something of great importance was stolen from me; I want you to get it back for me."

With a sideways look to her sister, Minoriko said, "Why call us? Why not report it to the police?"

The girl narrowed her eyes and replied, "I have my reasons for not involving the police."

Shizuha stood up and said, "We'll need to talk to whatever staff were on duty last night; will that be a problem?"

She shook her head, "No problem, in fact, they're waiting in the next room. I've spoken with them already, so I don't know if you'll actually learn anything from them."

The elder sister smiled and bowed. "Thank you; c'mon sis, we got some pets to interrogate."

They found only two people in the next room; the girl that led them into the mansion and a shorter rabbit that was shaking in place. They approached the taller one first and Shizuha opened up with, "Alright, tell me what you know; did you see or hear anything out of the ordinary last night?"

She shook her head and said, "I ran into the room as soon as I heard the glass break; once I got there, it was already gone. I didn't see anything after I got in there… she was closer when it happened."

"Thank you." Shizuha dismissed this one and turned to the other; Minoriko snapped a photo of the girl as she left. When that was over, the elder sister smiled at the shaking rabbit and asked, "So what did you see?"

She looked about the room like it was watching her every move and said, "I- I saw a blur! It was r-really fast and, and it sounded like the wind! Then there was clicking sounds, and then it was all over; they were both gone!" She continued looking about the room nervously.

Shizuha finished writing all of that down; she said, "Thank you; that will do."

She started to gesture to have the girl leave when she grabbed her arm and said, "Do you have any… carrots?"

The older Aki shook the arm off and said, "Scram, kid!" She yelped and ran off. Minoriko walked over and Shizuha said, "Fast as a blur? I know two people like that…" Her sister reached into her pocket and procured a coin. "Heads it's **HER**, tails it's the other…" The coin was flipped and they stepped back a pace; a shining face could be seen staring back at them.

Minoriko nodded to her sister as she picked her coin back up; her sister said, "Next stop: Bunbunmaru."

* * *

Gensokyo had two newspapers and both of them were run out of Tengu village, a small district in the southwest corner of the city. It was close enough to the sisters' office that they had frequent run-ins with both of the 'editors' of those periodicals; as usual this was not going to be a pleasant visit.

Despite all of its lies, Bunbunmaru was a successful newspaper, if only for the frequently true stories about local crime bosses that the public otherwise laughs off due to the outrageousness of the other stories. The sole writer and editor was none other than Aya Shameimaru, quite possibly the fastest person in the whole city, if not the whole country; her only competition being a gardener working in a public park on the north side of town.

When they reached the place, Shizuha nodded to her sister, cracked her knuckles, and proceeded to bust the door open; she shouted, "Alright Shameimaru, cough it up; you were seen so we know it was you."

Aya didn't even get up from her desk; she said, "You got nothin'. I, on the other hand, got the story of the century right here: 'Eientei burgled! Thief disappears in a puff of smoke!'"

Minoriko held her hand up to stop her sister. "Aya; you have photos, don't you?"

She looked up from her story and said, "What makes you think that?"

The younger Aki smiled. "The witness heard clicking sounds along with the wind; if you got a story out of that, you have to have photos, too."

Aya smiled back. "Maybe I do; how much are they worth to you?"

Shizuha had had enough; she sprung over the desk, lifted the journalist from her seat, and pinned her to the wall. "If you want to still be able to put out newspapers, you'll give us those photos."

Struggling against the former goddess's strength, Aya shouted, "Haven't you heard of freedom of the press? This is oppression!"

Smiling smugly as the girl struggled, Shizua said, "We ain't in America."

Aya continued to struggle fruitlessly for a few more moments; a bullet exploded next to Shizuha's head, and when she turned to look, Minoriko had her hand outstretched. "That's enough, sister; put her down." She grudgingly complied and Aya took a moment to catch her breath. "Now, about those photos…"

Aya walked over to her desk, sat down, and reached into the bottom drawer, procuring a bottle and a small glass; she poured some of the liquid and drank the whole glass in one gulp. After setting the glass down, she then reached under the desk and brought out a small stack of photographs; after thumbing through them she pulled two out and handed one each to Shizuha and Minoriko. "I think it's pretty obvious who you're looking for, here."

Minoriko's eyes widened at what she saw. "I think I know where to go, sis."

Shizuha pocketed her photo. "Where's that?"

"The Bamboo Forest of the Lost."

* * *

Right in the edge of downtown was dinky little nightclub; the atmosphere was dark, and smoke hung in the air at all times. The place was quiet when the sisters entered, though it wasn't for a lack of patrons; they all seemed to speak in barely audible whispers, like being overheard was a crime unto itself. They approached the bar; the owner and only person working there greeted them. "What can I get for you… oh, it's you, 'Riko."

"Evening, Mokou." She slid the photo across the bar. "You want to tell me what's up with this picture?"

Mokou picked it up and held it to the dim light; it depicted a hooded figure seemingly leaving the Eientei treasure room. What made the photo spectacular was that the person's back seemed to be on fire. She set the picture down and said, "It ain't me."

Minoriko reached across the bar and grabbed Mokou by the collar. "Like hell it ain't you; you're the only person who can set themselves on fire like that and survive. You've had a grudge against Kaguya for centuries, so there's motive; give me one good reason why I shouldn't drag you off right now."

Mokou smirked. "Because if it were really me, I wouldn't have just set my torso on fire…" She suddenly burst into flames all over her body, causing Minoriko to drop her. "I'd set my whole body on fire. That's not me."

Shizuha was unimpressed by the show. "But where were you last night?"

"I was here." The sisters gave her twin looks of skepticism. "I was here and I can prove it; I got tons of witnesses." She looked over and called out to one of the patrons. "Yo, bucket girl! Wasn't I here last night?"

She looked up from her drink and shouted, "Yer always here, Mokou!"

The bartender appeared irritated. "But wasn't I here **last night**?"

The girl looked confused and said, "Yeah, you was here… you got mad 'cause the 'tainment was late."

She smirked back at the detectives. "See? I had to be here to yell at that mouse and tiger act; they said something about bein' late due to… flyin' saucers or some nonsense like that."

Minoriko looked a little disappointed that her hunch was wrong. Shizuha had given it some thought, and something the staff at the mansion had said came back to her. "What do you know about her treasures, Mokou?"

Mokou stiffened. "Too much; she got my father killed looking for 'em over a thousand years ago. She's got five: Buddha's Stone Bowl, the Jeweled Branch of Hourai, the Robe of the Fire Rat, the Dragon's Colorful Necklace, and the Swallow's Cowrie Shell. For the record, I wouldn't want to steal any of 'em, anyways; they'd remind me of her and just make me madder."

Minoriko looked at her sister. "Whatcha thinking about, sis?"

Shizuha shook her head, "Their stories don't match up; one said just one thing was taken, the other said at least two. Who's lying here?"

Minoriko adjusted her hat. "Back to Eientei?"

Her sister nodded and placed a few bills on the counter. "For your trouble; hope we don't come back."

* * *

It was dark out when they arrived back to the mansion; they strolled in without waiting for an escort and walked right into Kaguya's study. She wasted no time in addressing them. "Well, have you found what was stolen?"

Shizuha walked forward. "Actually, we came to have a look at the scene; you don't mind if we do that, right?"

Her eyes widened for only a moment before she said, "Of course." She snapped her fingers and the taller of the two servants from before appeared in the room. "Take them to the treasure room."

The girl looked startled but she nodded regardless. They followed her deeper into the mansion and through a passage that didn't look like it was there. A strange, futuristic looking locking mechanism was disarmed by the rabbit and she led them into the room.

They took a quick look around and managed to identify each item that was there and what wasn't. Shizuha said without turning, "You said only one treasure was taken; I see only three of the five. What happened to the Stone Bowl and Robe?"

The sound of a sliding door could be heard, and the voice of Kaguya rung out. "I knew I should have called the Hakurei; she would have been lazy enough to turn it over to the police after getting the photos." The Aki sisters started to turn when she said, "Don't move! I've got a hundred rabbits all ready to fire at you if you so much as make a hostile action."

Shizuha shook her head. "A set up, huh? Well don't that beat all… Couldn't kill her, so you figured to get her all locked up legally and she'd be out of your hair?"

The younger Aki looked confused. "Why go to this length, though? She's so far beneath you."

Fury crept into Kaguya's voice. "I can't go anywhere in this city without her showing up and starting trouble! And do the police do anything about it? Never! There's never enough proof that she's really doing anything!" She took a deep breath. "This was my chance, but you, you… detectives had to ruin everything."

It became so quiet you could hear the sweat from the sisters hit the floor. Suddenly a voice laced with fear and agitation came from the outer corridor; "She's here, and she's mad!" The shorter of the two witnesses suddenly ran into the room and bowled over both Kaguya and the other servant. In the confusion the sisters nodded to one another and bolted past them through the now unblocked door.

Minoriko was losing ground quickly and shouted, "Slow down, sister! You know I can't run as fast as you!"

Shizuha sighed and picked her sister up, hefting her over her back. "One of these days we're going to do something about that left foot…"

She burst out the door in time to see a living ball of fire rush past them and into the house. After getting beyond the gate, she set her sister down and they looked back at the now burning mansion. Minoriko looked to her sister and said, "Now what?"

Shizuha sook her head. "Now we leave it up to the police; this isn't our case anymore." She turned and started walking away.

Her younger sister started after her and said, "You know, we never got paid…"


End file.
